This is The Manifesto of Little Monster
There’s something heroic about the way my fans operate their cameras. So precisely, so intricately and so proudly.
Like Kings writing the history of their people. It’s their prolific nature that both creates and procures what will later be perceived as The Kingdom.
So, the real truth about Lady Gaga fans, my Little Monsters, lies in this sentence:
They are the Kings. They are the Queens. They write the history of The Kingdom, and I am something of a devoted jester.
It is in the thoery of perception that we have established our bond. Or the lie, I should say, for which we kill.
We are nothing without our image. Without our projection. Without the spiritual hologram of who we perceive ourselves to be, or rather to become, in the future.
When you’re lonely, I’ll be lonely too. And this is The Fame.
Love and art
12.18.1974
Lady GaGa

The day, December 21, 2009. The time, sometime shortly after 1:30 PM. There were two highly stressed, scared, and equally nervous fans rushing to get ready. If the events from earlier that day had any indication of the remainder of it, we were in for some unexpected surprises. Several hot glue burns, some ripped pants, and faulty velcro tape later, Noah and Dave were ready. They had planned for weeks and now not only did their outfits turn out a success, they would be a huge asset to the events that would play out later that day.

Every second in the car ride there was growing closer and closer to their dreams. As they sat in bumper to bumper traffic on the freeway, time seemed to rush by. It was now 3:50 PM and they had a mere 10 minutes to get to their destination. They had 10 minutes to rush past traffic, 10 minutes to miraculously drive 5 miles, 10 minutes to get to the venue. As Dave rushed through the crowded city, he felt like everything was being put into his path to try and slow him down. That’s when he turned to Noah and said “Wait, we don’t need to be there till 4:30 don’t we?” They both laughed and enjoyed the rest of the drive there. Noah even took the time to stop and notice the beauty and art that was the sunset that particular evening. Shades of pink, orange, and red painted the evening sky. It was official, Gaga was in the area. Her spirit painted the skies. Her being inspired her surroundings. And there they were, driving deeper and deeper into….The Fame.

As they waiting in anticipation in line for their tickets, their hearts pumped. They walked to the window only to be informed that the Meet and Greet was going to be AFTER the show. How? Why? It was 5 and would they really need to wait another 7+ hours to meet her? Oh god, the anticipation was killing them. Luckily as they wait to be let into the VIP pre-party, they ran into a very familiar face….SEMI-PRECIOUS WEAPONS!

Food. Free Drinks. Music. Ambiance. Was all this really happening. The taste of the beef kabobs, the crisp taste of the cold sodas, the desperation of trying to find the small asian woman from the front desk who said she would hold our posters. The line to go inside began to form and “Margarine” was nowhere to be found. As they began to check for wristbands and let everyone in, out of the shadows emerged this particular asian woman. Noah and Dave lined up with the other Gaga “Fans” and anticipated the feelings of that night. As they got let in, they ran past whoever was too slow to make it through the double doors and down the stairs. There they were. In the front row of the pit. In the front and center. There they stood a mere 6 ft from the stage. They could see the pattern of the fabric in the Giant Gaga screen. They could see the refelection of themselves in the cold metal of the drumset on stage. They could feel the air conditioning which was probably aimed just for Gaga but because they were so close, they felt it too. They looked at each other and all they could mouth to each other was “Oh. My. God” Were they dreaming??

The lights dimmed down and out came Semi Precious Weapons. They were the new face of their rapidly growing obsession with Rock and Roll and Art. Again, they thought, Was this all real? They were living out a dream. Not only were they the only people in the crowd who knew the words, the dances to the songs, and showed any sign of visible excitement for their set, but they were also acknowledged for it. While the lead singer sang, Sticky with Champagne, Noah managed to be one of the lucky few to receive a swish of the highly sought after bottle. The concert was rapidly feeling like a private one for them two. It seemed as if they were beginning to be receiving all the attention. Two sings into the microphone later, it ended just as soon as it began. They managed to witness everyone one of the lead singers struts, everyone of the drummers snare beats, every nappy hair on the guitarist wig, and every one of the random jolts of the bassists spasms.

For the next 45 minutes or so, life itself seemed to pass ever so slowly. It wasn’t helping that behind them stood an unusually confident Gaga impersonator who insisted on letting everyone around her, how amazing she looked. “Oh my god, I hope she looks at me and goes……..DA DA DA DUH DUT.”

IT HAD BEGUN.

For the past month and a half, they had wondered everyday what today would be like. Their hearts raced, tears quickly swam up into their sweltering eyes, and at that moment, they held each others hand, half to show their love, and the other to make sure the other would pass out from the excitement.

It was a few minutes until the Golden Haired Goddess emerged from the fog. They could see every sequin on her outfit, every flickering light on her headpiece, every defined curl in her wig, and every single bit of passion behind her eyes. They were so close that they didn’t need the zoom lens on Noahs camera to capture the detail. People would die to be in their spots, and there they were, face to face with the beast herself.

It wasn’t long before she finished her first song and began one of her timeless monologues. Except this time, she wasn’t having it. She needed to hear how much she knew people wanted to be there. Noah and Dave both screamed at the top of their lungs, hoping maybe she could hear their voices out of the screams of 1000’s. They tried so hard to somehow get her attention. It wasn’t clear if at times she was looking at them, because it sure looked that way. Every song had that much more feeling and that much more significance because in a mere 2 hours, they were going to pour their hearts out to her directly. With every new outfit change, every new song, even every new piece to her already changing set, they were right there with her. No feather was gone unnoticed. No detail in her piano went unappreciated. Even the errors, her falling chin strap, her eye mask that didn’t stay on, and her inability to take of her disco jacket, weren’t seen as errors, they took them as things to appreciate because not everyone in the audience was that close to see it. They hadn’t really ever been able to witness the wide array of facial gestures during her concert until now. They hadn’t been able to appreciate the intensity of her dancers and choreography until now. They hadn’t witnessed her real beauty, until now. From where they were standing in the audience, every song grew more and more into inspiring works of art rather than sets. With a spin of her rings and a glimpse of her teeth, the show was over. But the memories were about to begin.

After the show, they were both escorted through a series of backdoor hallways and hidden boxes. This was all becoming far too real. They began to worry if the preparation up to that point was enough. They were herded into a strange transitional space from one building to another. It was half hallway, half private room, but every ounce the perfect place to meet her because over the ledge on the story below them were the double doors and the stairs they ran down in order to be front row. Everything was coming full circle. It was announced that she was backstage freshening up after her show, which was strange because not once did she break a sweat while dancing in her 4 inch heels and massive wig.

Noah and Dave began to get restless. As they sat with the other 20 “fans” waiting for her, it wasn’t about meeting her anymore; it was about letting her know and believe how much she meant to them. Minutes began to pile up and it was beginning to be too much. Just as soon as they were starting to grow extremely restless, they heard the crowd go crazy. Dave and Noah shot up from the floor, not caring about their skintight pants and if they would rip. Shit, that’s what fashion was all about. Only 25 ft from them was The Queen herself, tastefully drinking a diet coke and some champagne. Her hair, bone straight, her jacket, bedazzled, her spirit, uplifting. Every other person in there was only in it for the photo. They didn’t realize that they were coming face to face with an opportunity to tell your idol how much she truly means to you. And if they did, they were dumb for not taking it. The line was going along much too quickly and before anything, Dave was next in line. He turned to Noah, who was a pale white, shaking, and visibly terrified, and said “Are you sure you don’t want to go first” All he got was a jittery “no” and directions on what to do after he was done meeting her. The person in front of Dave was done and began walking to the exit.

There stood Dave, frozen in terror, about to talk to the very same angel who turned him into a stuttering fool only weeks before at Best Buy. As he managed to move his legs and walk them in her direction, all he heard were the words that would echo in his head for the rest of his life.

“Oh my god. You guys were in the front row. I was watching the both of you during my show because of how dapper the both of you looked. I didn’t know anyone got that dressed up to come to my show. You two look amazing!”

Dave’s head began to spin and his mouth dropped. He turned to Noah to see if he had heard those same words! As he presented her with his gift for her to sign, he looked at her and asked “While you’re signing that, may I read you something I wrote?”

“Sure” she said in her soft angelic voice.

Dave stood there, shaking, hoping not to pass out. He read from his sloppy index cards. He began to tell her that for the past year, his heart was being taken on an emotional rollercoaster. Two of the people he cared more about had flown back into heaven. And at one terrifying point in his year, for one second, he really did believe that a third, his mother, would find her premature way into heaven too after her diagnosis. He then explained his experience of coming out to his family. “I came out to my parents and didn’t exactly get the response I dreamt about” He compared her music to an escape to his problems. He told her that no matter what problem he was having, he could put in one of her CD’s, watch one of her interviews, see her performances, read her interviews, and be taken away into a world of make believe and art. All the while he was confessing his fears, she had turned to him and rested her left hand on his right shoulder. It was her way of letting him know how touched she was. It was her way of physically showing her love and appreciation. It was her way of letting her Halo shine. A good ten minutes went by before Dave ended his speech, and once again she gave truly inspiring words.
“Thank you so much David. I will never forget you or your kind words. I don’t think you know how much that really touched me and thank you for sharing that with me.”

Fifteen minutes of his life had now been shared with his inspiration. One monster photo later, they hugged, exchanged on last word, and Dave began to walk away. He turned to Noah who was already halfway through his speech. He stood and watched him pour out his heart and soul. Tears rolled down from his face the moment he began speaking to her as Gaga embraced him to try and calm him down. Within moments, every fear from before was gone, and now he spoke in such confidence that it was inspiring. Whereas Dave had index cards of what he wanted to say, Noah was speaking from the heart and making perfect sense.

Noah told Gaga, “You’ve inspired me with every single creative endeavor that I’ve done. You are my inspiration, you are my driving force, you are what keeps me going!” And then words again that would echo through their existence:

“No, tonight, you were my inspiration. I saw you in the audience and you were the one who kept me pushing. I was inspired by your fashion tonight. Thank you. I will never forget the two of you.”

Noah called over Dave but the security wasn’t letting him get through. “Gaga call over Dave” Noah said. Gaga signaled Dave over. There they both stood on either side of their leather studded angel as they shared a moment with the one person who had single-handedly changed their lives for the better. It was the most intimate moments the two have ever had and they got to share it with one of the world’s biggest superstars.

The three of them hugged each other closely and wiped away their tears. Gaga gave them each a hug and a kiss as they said goodbye to one another.

As they walked towards the exit, they turned to take a last glance at her. They couldn’t believe that not only was she the nicest sweetest angel they had ever met, but that she was as excited to meet them and they were to meet her. Everything at that moment fell into place. For once, they knew what it was like to be complete.

This year’s Halloween was one which I will always remember for the rest of my life. I think I may even go as far to say as naming this year’s Halloween my favorite Halloween of ALL TIME. Here’s how it went down. This year Chelsey, Dave and I worked at Halloween Horror Nights, I’ve worked there for the past 3 years therefore for EVERY Halloween, I have been working and have not enjoyed the holiday at all. Well this year, I decided that I had was going to call in sick to work and actual enjoy the holiday for once. We came up with idea of spending the night at the West Hollywood Halloween Carnaval. It’s the biggest Halloween celebration on the west coast and promises a night which is just full of crazy. The costume you wear has to amazing or else you’ll just blend in with the other 500,000 people there.

Before the night had begun, Dave, Chelsey and I headed down to Larchmont for a delicious Halloween lunch. We needed to find missing pieces for our costumes which we were able to find one by one at  each of the various locations in Hollywood. Unfortunately for me, I was unable to find a small red sweater for my costume for the evening which would be Elliot from ET. Instantly I began stressing out because timing was ticking away. Chelsey didn’t have a costume so I gave her my awesome one but I was left without anything. On the verge of a nervous breakdown, Dave and I headed down to Mexican clothing shops in  Canoga Park looking for the red sweater. We were unsuccessful until we hit our 5th outlet store which I had a red sweater for $3.80. I guess the search was worth it. We each rushed home where we got ready for the night. All I had to do was slip on my red sweater, put on some blue jeans and bring my ET doll which I have had for almost a decade. We heading to Hollywood where we found an amazing parking spot, from there we began constructing our Halloween outfits. I had to get a basket onto my bike, Chelsey needed to get a huge King Kong hand to stay securely on her without ruining the quality of her amazing outfit and Dave had to safely and delicately assemble a huge Zoltar box. After a good 30 minutes, we were ready to make our entrance.

Literally after a minute after stepping onto La Cienega Blvd, a dozen cars began honking at us and screaming various praises towards our costumes. We felt like celebrities as strangers began calling for our attention. A drunk frat guy dressed as a gorilla kept screaming about how much he loved my costume, “Drew Barrymore…..Drew Barrymore!!!!” he kept screaming to try and get my attention. I was confused for a couple hours by the man’s statements until I realized he was referring to Drew Barrymore from ET. Duhhh!!!!  As soon as we walked onto Santa Monica Blvd., we were literally swarmed by hundreds of people. Camera flashing. Blinding lights. Adoring fans. Photo after photo after photo after photo. It was like a non-stop photo shoot. Adoring Asian girls screaming “Kawaii”, little kids, middle aged women, anyone and everyone you could possibly think of. After a half hour, we literally moved less than 10 feet down the street. We were being swarmed by fans, photographers, crazies, this was it, we had finally found…….THE FAME!

After about an hour, we literally started getting exhausted. We didn’t even move a block and we were surrounded by thousands and thousands of people. I must admit, the sudden skyrocket of fame had got to my head. As a posed with my fans, Chelsey would be oblivious and being blocking my pictures, “CHELSEY….CHELSEY….GET OUT OF THE WAY!!!!!” I snapped at the one girl who I had spent a lifetime calling my best friend. It didn’t matter to me, I didn’t need her anymore, I didn’t need Dave anymore, I didn’t need anyone anymore. I had my fans to tend to now! The same thing happened with Dave, before we knew it he had abandoned us. We would look back to find him laughing with different groups of people, smiling for photographs, signing autographs. We meant nothing to him anymore. This fame was turning us into something very scary, it can only be described as….THE FAME MONSTER. We were mean, angry, ruthless but we didn’t let any of it show to our fans. When we walked for 5 seconds without being asked to take a photo than we assumed something was wrong. I felt myself being pulled out of the spotlight. After being attacked by a group of drunk Asian guys, I knew it was time to take a break. We tried to make our way to Z Pizza but as everyone knows, its impossible to go to a restaurant when you are a celebrity and actually enjoy yourself. Haven’t you heard the song Stan? I was able to cover up ET so everyone just thought I was a loser in a red sweater, Dave on the other hand was stuck in his box of doom. Even as we ate pizza which Chelsey had to scream and claw her way to get, Dave couldn’t even enjoy it. Multiple drunks came up to him asking for a pizza. This was our private time except there’s no such thing as private time when you are a celebrity,  “YOU SHOULD PUT SOME PARMESAN CHEESE ON THAT SHIT!!” exclaimed one of Dave’s many admirers. The cracks were starting to show.

The only thing worse than be swarmed by thousands of people is being swarmed by thousands of people who think they are hilarious. Whether it was people rubbing Dave’s    or random people screaming out “PHONE HOME HONEY!!!!”

It hard to try and tally up just how many photos we had taken of us. I’m 100% serious when  I say that we truly experience the life of a high profile celebrity. We were not able to walk without being gawked at, we were unable to eat anywhere without being disturbed. The fame had turned us against one another and by several hours into it, we were all getting so angry. The fame had taken its toll on us and luckily we had the chance to say goodbye to all of it. It was just a little peak into what the future has in store for us, hopefully we develop a tougher skin or else we’re going to be screwed. It’s funny my costume was so simple, it was the 3rd time I dressed as Elliot, all I did was put on a red sweater and it was one of the most popular costumes out of the hundreds of thousands of people there. As we were walking back to our car, a gang of bicycle rides rode down the street through all the traffic, they screamed for me to join along. I began to peddle as fast as I could and before I knew it I was riding with 40 other bikers leading the group while navigating through traffic. People screamed from their cars and many honk their horns cheering me on, it was one of the most surreal 5 minutes of my life and the perfect way to end the night.  Now the only thing that Dave, Chelsey and I are wondering is what the hell we’re going to dress up as next year to try and top the epicness of this year. Taking any and all suggestions.

Chelsey and I were featured on ABC7  News. Pretty dam epic!

And I was featured on the legendary TMZ.com

The red sweater was the best $4 I have EVER spent!!!!

Just saw the most hardcore Santa Clause driving 60mph on the 101. He wasn’t messing around and had his own Rudolph sitting in front of him leading the way. Very dangerous yet so adorable. Merry Christmas!!!!

To celebrate his 20th birthday, my friend Marko decided to have an all out Disney themed costume party. What better way to say goodbye to your teenage years and hello to the beautiful 20s then by celebrating your inner child. The party was an absolute blast. It was raining a ridiculous amount while Dave, Chelsey and I drove to Sunland. We had a lot of trouble finding Marko’s house and were getting soaked in the rain. There’s nothing more awkward than being in costume while it pours outside. Dave dressed up as the Magic Mirror, Chelsey dressed up as Hook and I dressed up as Simba except most people forget that Disney’s greatest movie of all time starred a lion. People were confused as to why I was dressed up as lion but I had a blast wearing the costume which was originally made for a petite girl.

We all had a great time eating princess cupcakes and dancing to ‘Bad Romance. I’m getting hungry right now just thinking about all of the food that was available at the party. Yummmmyyyyy!!!! Overall, I had such a blast and I think that I may just have to have a Disney themed birthday party in the near future. More costumes for references. Marko was Peter Pan. Ian was Troy Bolton. Marco was Prince Eric, Alex was a Mouseketeer and Airon was also Hook. HAPPY 20TH BIRTHDAY MARKO!!!!!

Hook-er & Hook

“Look in the mirror, what do you see?”

SNL has been pretty hit or miss this season but this digital short goes far and beyond my wildest expectations. It stars James Franco and has to be one of the strangest and most twisted segments that I have ever seen on the show. I’m so in love with it that I just might to have to go change into my jammies just so I can do the jammy shuffle. Enjoy! muhahaha