WANTED: Chelsey Monroe
I feel as if though I’ve assisted in the creation of a MONSTER! On July 15th, the house of acclaimed actor Orlando Bloom was broken into and half a million dollars worth of jewlry was stolen from his house. TMZ has just reported the following:
“Burglars apparently knew what we didn’t — Orlando Bloom had hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of jewelry in his Hollywood Hills home. Notice the past tense, because we’ve learned burglars made off with the bling last night.
Law enforcement tells us the thieves entered Bloom’s house through a window and made off with roughly $500,000 in jewelry — including two very expensive watches.
Cops fingerprinted and photographed the scene. So far no suspects.”
No suspects? Well that is until now. I am confidant and I know for a fact that the burglar was none other than my best friend the criminal Chelsey Monroe. Her obsession with Orlando began at a young age and it has grown larger and larger with each passing year. I feel as if this final criminal act was somehow my fault. You may be asking how an innocent person such of myself can somehow bare the guilt of what a psychotic fan did to such a nice nice man but I assure you that I’m am at fault for this as well.
My participation in this criminal act all began on Sunday June 28th, 2009. I along with Chelsey Monroe, David Maldonado, Hannah Black and the beautiful, Emily Christiansen embarked on a beyond epic mission. We were once and for all going to unite Chelsey with the love of her life, Orlando Bloom. It pains me to even say that now but I assure you that our intentions were good. We just wanted to make the wish of Chelsey come true, little did we know what would come of this. We began the epic trip off with surprising Chelsey with the secret information. I would like it to be known that I in no way gave her the address/locations of Orlando Bloom, that was the doing of David Maldonado. I did not in any way aide in this criminal act.
THE ACCOMPLICES
First, we gave Chelsey the TOP SECRET folder.
Upon finding out the object of our mission, Monroe’s face lit up with joy. It sickens me to look at the above pic because I now see that her intentions were truly meant for malice and destruction.
Our first stop on the trip was the location in which a drunken Orlando Bloom crashed his car in the middle of the night.
Upon revisiting the spirit of Orlando Bloom in such a dreadful place in his life, we decided to see where Bloom went on his day offs.
Like the gas station!
Or even the chiropractor that Bloom visited after his 2nd accident
SCARY MUCH?
After visiting all these locations, there was only one more place that we had to take Chelsey to. ORLANDO BLOOM’S ACTUAL HOUSE….aka the one where the robbers aka Chelsey Monroe would steal half million dollars in jewelry weeks later.
It took us several different routes for us to finally find his house. The first way we took involved us coming to a large scary gated community which had a sign that clearly read NO TRESPASSERS. Signs like this rarely scare us so we waited it out. Once a car left, we slowly crept our car inside the gated community….only to find out that there were ONLY 2 huge houses that had cameras all around them. We quickly tried to make a U-turn but it was too late the gate was alreay closed. Stuck inside….we plotted different ways to get out. We could either ram our car into the gate, abandon the car and climb the fence or wait for the police to escort us out with our hands cuffed behind our backs. I knew one thing, if I wanted to be president one day then having a criminal record showing that I stalked Orlando Bloom wasn’t going to be good for my campaign. So we put all our collective energy together. I prayed to Moses and Hashem. Dave prayed to Lady Guadolupe and Mama Gaga. Hannah prayed to Obi Shawn. Emily prayed to Edward Cullen and Chelsey prayed to Aunt Jemima. With all our energy together we slowly approached the gate and before our very eyes it lifted, setting us free. PRAYER DOES WORK (gates with motion detectors.)
We then found another route in which we took Mulholland Drive. Before we knew it, we were just seconds away from his house. I used my GPS (iPhone) and suddenly we were standing outside the gate of “the greatest actor of all-time.” That last quote was from Chelsey Monroe. It was here where Chelsey would use the vital information that we provided her to plan her attack. Right away she became aware of all the cameras in the area.
As she began plotting her way to break in, a Star Tours van passed out. Chelsey quickly hid her face from them to make sure there were no witnesses.
WHO COULD POSSIBLY I.D. THE ABOVE FACE???? NO ONE!!!!
The plan was officially set. Chelsey knew how to get to his house. She knew where all the cameras were located and she knew what to do in case cars passed my. All the pieces were set and it was just a matter of time before Chelsey would break into his house.
“MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA”
That was the last I knew of Chelsey’s plan. But I can assure all my readers that Chelsey’s obsession of Orlando Bloom has grown more and more dangerous. I have exclusive photos of the first time that she came face to face with him.
Then there was the time that Chelsey camped outside a building in downtown Los Angeles from the early morning to the late afternoon just so she could hunt down her target once again.
I know that these photos are absolutley frightening to see now knowing the cruel events that would take place.
Chelsey joins the likes of Mark David Chapman and Yolanda Saldivar. Fortunately Orlando just had a few watches stolen and not his life like John Lennon and Selena
I have not seen Chelsey since the robbery but I will do whatever it takes to make sure that she does not get away with this crime. If you see her, please contact the authorities as soon as possible. Chelsey is armed AND dangerous, please use caution when approaching her.
